Monday, December 6, 2010


Hi all. Back to writing. I've finally found a topic that's worth writing about - these days all that seems to be happening is Republicans and Democrats arguing over everything and getting absolutely nothing done. Oh, that and whatever the hell Sarah Palin and the Kardashians are doing. Surely this can't be ALL the news... either we live on the most boring planet in the galaxy (including Pluto (shut up it's a planet)), or someone is doing a very good job filtering anything that has any relevancy to our life out of our televisions... I blame the cable companies.

So now the topic of the day is... Wikileaks.

I think there are 2 important things that need to be said about Wikileaks. And that's all I'll say:

1) I think Wikileaks is great. Especially in a democracy, government is/should be for the people, by the people. Therefore, it's important for the people to know what's going on in government, and it's important for the people to be able to hold the government accountable for things. Leaked documents about our military forces "hunting" civilians for fun in Afghanistan are shocking, and something that anyone who is blindly "pro-military" should know about. It's embarassing for our government, but at the same time it brings to light issues that need to be addressed - much like you never really realize that your apartment is messy until you decide to have guests over. Not only that, but leaking these types of documents ensures that all animals are equal, and that no animals are more equal than others...

2) I think Wikileaks needs to be A LOT more responsible in terms of what it's releasing. It's true that information is great, but before jumping on the mindless bitching bandwagon with the rest of the "save the tigers" and "we depend too much on oil" people (and those people who whenever you talk to just want freedom of everything in general without having any specific demands), one has to think about the implications of releasing some of this information. After all, there's a reason why things are classified. Terrorism is a REAL threat to the US and other countries. Publicly releasing a list of all the areas where we are the most vulnerable is not a good idea when there are people who are actively trying to hurt us. Do me a favor Wikileaks... (I'm going to address Wikileaks like a person from now on but really this is directed at that Australian chap with the white hair, can't be bothered to look up the spelling of his name exactly.. Assange or something similar) go home, paint a big bullseye on your own roof, and see how long it takes before SOMETHING is shot at it.

I want to hear your thoughts on this so if you have a minute, send me some fan mail and I'll do a follow up pieces where I tell you why your opinions are dumb.


Mo out.

Monday, November 8, 2010

LOL @ China... silly China...

For those unaware of exactly why, China told the US at a meeting to discuss the upcoming G20 in Seoul that the $600 billion quantitative easing plan was basically currency manipulation and was unfair to it and the other countries that export to the US.

So China accused us of currency manipulation, for those who missed it. Can we now please just laugh at China?



AHAHHAHA..oh my god I think I'm going to die...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

-Mo out.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I'm back. And Justin Bieber.

It's a good thing that this blog isn't my job, because I'm pretty sure I'd be fired. Taking an unannounced two month vacation is probably not okay in real professions (unless you're Joaquin Phoenix in which case you can do fuck all for three years, get fat, smoke pot, and rap, and still be as famous as when Gladiator came out). I however have that luxury because I do have a real job, and unlike this blog, it pays my bills. I have to say though that I certainly didn't expect people to miss the blog as much as they did. My five fans asked me several times during the writing hiatus when the blog would be back and who my next target was.

Well, I'm back.

And Justin Bieber.

I heard my first Justin Bieber song on the radio in Cairo this past weekend. Oddly enough the radio station that played Justin Bieber also played (in this order) Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet For My Valentine, some generic metal shit I didn't recognize, and then Justin Bieber. It's like they had met their awesomeness quota for the day and decided "oh hell, who are we kidding, we're a radio station let's just play utter shit like everyone else." Radio stations don't even play metal in America anymore, so I was surprised to hear good metal on the radio in a country where kids are jailed for wearing Black Sabbath shirts (admittedly they were part of a gang, but arrested because of the shirts nonetheless).

My reaction to hearing his hit song "Baby" was kind of the same as when I last checked my bank account or when you go trick or treating at your really stingy neighbor's house: "That's it??"

Really? That's what all the fuss is about? With all the hype out there I was expecting someone who possessed a mix of Justin Timberlake's coolness and stage presence with Pavaroti's vocal prowess and a 12 inch cock that plays Van Halen solos. Instead what i heard was a little boy with a voice thinner than most lesbians singing songs that sound like Lance Bass covers of Marvin Gaye. I mean don't get me wrong the kid can sing. If there was a talent show on your block, and Justin Bieber performed, he would probably score highly, and in fact he might win. He probably plays Rock Band and does the vocals on Expert. But the fact is that he's just not that good.

Why do people like him so much? I can't understand it. I just read recently that 3% of ALL OF TWITTER is Justin Bieber traffic (and that's just traffic to/from his account, not all Bieber related traffic). That's ridiculous. It just goes to show that with a little marketing, anyone can like anything these days. Even a 16 year-old kind-of-boy-kind-of-girl looking thing from Canada that goes by "the Bieb." Some record executive saw a video of JB on Youtube, decided this kid was going to make it, and made the kid make it. After all that's all it takes. Now, people want to know what his musical influences are, who his favorite painters are, what type of pizza he likes or if he likes pizza at all, and if his farts smell like rainbows and unicorns. Does Justin Bieber think Kim Kardashian is hot? If a tree falls on Justin Bieber in the forest, how many teenage girls would it take to break the fall of the tree so that Justin Bieber could sing "Baby" to them as they both suffocated and bled to death? I don't know, but these are all really dumb questions we're asking about a kid who's got no more talent than anyone who's been further than the initial qualifying round on American Idol (or maybe just that guy who goes the Karaoke place every time you're there and embarrasses everyone with how good he is).

It may be just because I'm out of practice, but I can't really hate on Justin Bieber. I can just be annoyed that he is so successful for no reason. After all, he was just minding his own business in Canada when someone called him up and told him he was going to be a star. Shit... I'd do it if I was offered a chance. I'm just confused as to why people with free will over the type of music they choose to listen to would choose to listen to Justin Bieber. There is much better music out there, even for the 15-16 year-old girl crowd... I for one would much rather listen to Taylor Swift.

And I'm even more confused as to why girls are so crazy about him. Maybe the trick to attracting chicks is to look like a chick? (note to self, my mascara needs work). Oh wait, no I forgot... it's money.

-Mo out.

Ah it feels good to say that again.
PS: Lesbians who look like Justin Bieber.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Ok. Enough of this mosque thing. For reals.

I am going to make this post short and to the point because I am tired of hearing about this damn thing.

1) Stop calling it the Ground Zero Mosque. There are two churches way closer to GZ than this proposed mosque. There seems to be a misconception that they are building a giant mosque with minarets and shit literally on top of the hole where the twin towers used to be. This is not true at all.

2) Stop calling it a mosque. This is a building. It will have 13 stories, and include a basketball court, and a culinary school. The top two floors will be a Muslim prayer space. Mosques are establishments meant only for religious purposes.

3) Neither of these two points even matter. I am making them just to be informative, but if they wanted to build the world's biggest mosque in NYC, they should be able to as well. And if a property owner decided to knock down his building and build an even bigger Synagogue, he should be allowed to as well. Stop being caught up in the minor details of what exactly it is and where it is, and instead focus on the issue at hand - that apparently 80% of the people in this country think there should be guidelines on what types of places of worship can be built and where they should be. Aren't religious restrictions the reason we left England in the first place??

4) Stop saying that they shouldn't be allowed to build a mosque here until we can build a church in Mecca. That is an awful comparison because Mecca for Muslims is like the Vatican, and I can guarantee you that as long as the Vatican exists there will be no Mosque within its borders.

5) More importantly, stop comparing the US to other countries. Other countries may be intolerant to certain races and religions, but we Americans are better. We have freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, and freedom to legally acquire a piece of property and worship whatever the fuck you want on it.

6) Stop saying it's insensitive. It is not. If you really think it's insensitive, then please explain WHY you think it's insensitive. I feel just as badly for the victims and their families as anyone else, but to say that a mosque even two blocks away from the northeast corner of Ground Zero is insensitive IMPLIES that you think all Muslims are terrorists. So the only people who say it's insensitive are bigots.

Mo out.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Would you please leave the hummus alone?

Dear citizens of Israel,

The Jewish people have several thousand years of wonderful history and culture. You have bagels, which are delicious. Challah bread is also very good. In fact, you have many traditions and foods that are unique to your culture (as all cultures do). You should be proud of them.

My question to you is - why are you so set on owning hummus? It is not yours. You may enjoy eating it, but that does't make it Israeli. Hummus is Lebanese. It always has, and always will be.

I enjoy eating pizza. I eat a lot of pizza. However, by no stretch of the imagination could one say that pizza is Egyptian. I also enjoy feta cheese, which is Greek. And chicken tika, which is Indian.

How would you feel if Egyptians started marketing Challah bread as Egyptian food? Would you feel like your culture was being robbed?

That's exactly how Lebanese people feel when you say hummus is Israeli.

Would you please just leave the hummus alone? It's okay, you can still eat it by the spoonful if it's Lebanese. I'm sure they would love nothing more than to sell you crates of the stuff.

I promise I won't tell anyone.

Thank you for your understanding. I look forward to our continued mutual enjoyment of hummus, bagels, and challah.

     -Your friendly neighbor Mo

PS also, falafel are not Israeli either. Leave our fucking falafel alone! (I take this personally because falafel are Egyptian)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Nowhere to Hide

Just launched a new blog dedicated to my "band," The Hachness Epidemic. This means that there should be no more (or very very little) talk about band stuff in this blog. For those of you who don't care about my band, this should be good news!

Check it out here: Nowhere to Hide - Official blog of The Hachness Epidemic

I know that in this country the word segregation carries a bad connotation,  but I promise this is good segregation.

Mo out.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I hate, number three!!

Because everything awesome comes in trilogies (Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, StarCraft II, etc..) and because there are so many things that I hate, I've decided to do a third and final I hate post.

Now without further adieu, let the hating commence:

- I hate when you spend all day telling your friends about how hot a girl that you met the other day is and how she totally has a thing for you and then eventually they go "enough enough, let's see a picture" and they pull up her Facebook photo only for you to find that she replaced her super hot picture with an "artsy" photo that is the ugliest photo of her that exists. Then you try to convince your friends that she's hot and they try to convince you that you were really wasted.

- I hate guys who play Stairway to Heaven, Enter Sandman, or Sweet Child O' Mine at Guitar Center.

- I hate bums who hold up signs saying "need money for beer" or "need money for drugs." The first guy who did it was original, but reminding every single person why they don't give you money in the first place is no way to go about business. You're better off asking everyone for a quarter and pretending you need to catch the train home or make a phone call or some other bullshit.

- I hate wet paint signs when the paint isn't wet.

- Also, I hate wet paint signs when the paint is wet.

- I hate that burritos are made on an assembly line and the ingredients are piled on top of each other rather than mixed in a bowl. Burritos would be so much better if every bite had all the ingredients in it rather than every other bite being a surprise mouthful of just sour cream and cheese.

- I hate when people believe things that have been disproven on Mythbusters.

- I hate people who use the word "literally" when it's not literal. In a world full of exaggerations and half-truths, literally was the only word left when you wanted to make sure someone knew that it actually happened. Now it's been compromised. "Literally" now counts as much as "ROFLMAO OMGWTFBBQ you'll never believe what happened!"

- I hate it when people say "aksed" instead of "asked." GOD I HATE IT SO MUCH...

And finally:

- I hate that George Lucas not only "taped over" the original Star Wars Trilogy with totally unnecessary "special effects" that looked good circa 1995 but now look like crap and out of place (at least the original graphics have some charm to them)... but in addition, he took the thing I hated the most about the new Star Wars Trilogy (Hayden Christensen) and PUT HIM IN RETURN OF THE JEDI. What was going through his mind? I bet it was something like "gee, how can I make Return of the Jedi better than it already is... oh yeah, MOAR Hayden Christensen!" Fail. How did George Lucas even make Star Wars in the first place? I bet you he stole it!

Mo out.