Thursday, May 6, 2010

Other than a passion for my own Ray-Bans and a penchant for carrying unnecessary digital telephony equipment, I have nothing in common with this man at all!

People like this are bad for me for several reasons. The first is that they try to blow up places where I live / may be present (it's easy to understand why that's bad). The second, and less obviously unfortunate, is that they also ruin MY reputation as a good American citizens because of the association that people will instantly make between me and this guy.

This blog post will serve as a reminder of how me Faisal here are quite different:

1) I am obviously much better looking than he is. What the hell was he going for? The 1337 crew terrorist look from Counter-Strike?? I'm not even kidding if that guy dressed up like this for Halloween I would have given him a high five and said "awesome costume man, awesome costume!"

2) Everyone knows that I LOOOVE Times Square and for no reason would EVER want to do anything bad to it. I love Times Square way more than I should for someone who lives in this city, I know, and it's a bit weird. I think it's the combination of bright lights, abundance of pizza stores, and the fact that there is a Sam Ash music store AND a Toys R Us.

3) He is from Pakistan. I am of EGYPTIAN descent. Egypt != Pakistan. In fact, Egypt is not even REMOTELY close to Pakistan. In fact... Egypt is as close to Pakistan as Italy is to Nigeria or as Portugal is to Poland.

For the Americans in the room: it's about the distance from New York City to Vegas.

4) I am smart. I work at a big bank and do important things. He is obviously an imbecile incapable of even setting off a car bomb (which in this case proved to be a very good thing...).

Honestly, Faisal, man... There are enough weird bearded fuckers who do shit so fucked up that immigration officers always do a double take on my passport. The last thing we need is a new wave of suave looking terrorists who blow up trendy things like Times Square. If this shit starts happening more often I wouldn't be surprised if next time I try to fly anywhere I end up in Guantanamo for the rest of my life, writing blog posts about how I love America. And going for an occasional "swim."

Mo out.

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